Thursday, June 22, 2006
12:06 AM
untitled On black and white
I am alight
While things sometimes slowly dim
My fingers search for what I can’t
These keys say more when life looks grim
The notes pour forth
And I am safe
At my piano’s mercy I am made
These hands lack a master’s touch
Yet within sweet music bad feelings fade
I remember now
That even he,
Before the beginning, made music for You then
His own tune grew too loud and he turned
Your magnificent worshipper had fallen
Teach me to hear
Your every note
I can’t stand to think of falling away
Show me my key and the time I need
I want to see You smile when I play
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Wednesday, May 31, 2006
10:46 AM
Held in Stillness When God holds you in the stillness of your heart, sadness can still wrap you, it cloaks you but you are safe through it, and it cannot harm you. I have these moments as all of you do. Lord, please stay with me, help me to be who I should no matter what.
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006
2:48 AM
no oven + insomnia= tagalog poetrygulat ako, napatula ako bigla.haha. no oven + can't sleep = tagalog poetry hahaha.
this orig one's called Lunes...I haven't written tagalog in ages but I miss it...for everyone who hates weekdays...
LUNES
kapag sumilip ang liwanag
sa pagtulog na ni buwan
ako'y pakipot pang dumilat
bespren ko pa si unan
kamot kamot sa mata
konting hikab pang bitin
yoko pang malaman
kung wala na'ng bawat bituin
pag abot sa telepono
may konti pang dasal
na sana maaga aking bangon
kalayo pa ng almusal
ngunit sa sigaw na ng mga bata
na patakbo takbo doon
alam kong gising na ang linggo
Inaantay na ako ni sabon
Natapos din ang signal #2
sa loob ng banyong kyut
wag limutin ang mga kalat
dapat sa basura syut na syut
sa isang kwarto sa ciudad
na sa totoo'y napakaliit
ang simula ng bawat araw
nitong babaeng makulit
parang simple lang ang buhay
pero minsan sobrang hindi
alam naman natin kung bakit
lagi sa trabahong nagmamadali
kaya eto nalang ako bigla
nakaupo at napapaisip
marami palang masasabi
tungkol sa "kondo" kong masikip
Dating dati ang huling pagtula
mukhang naubusan na ng Ingles
Sa pagsusulat wala akong sawa
patapos na rin ang aking Lunes
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006
1:23 AM
I think God is pointing some things out to me about myself. I know we all have blind spots, and I'm thinking the parts I don't choose to see within my heart are the ugliest and most battered spaces within me. To look in there would be too painful or loathesome for me, but I have to face all those parts of me that keep me imprisoned or I'll never be free.
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
3:15 AM
I think God Can Explain There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes
It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet
The sent of vasoline
in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small
when I begin to cry
It's alright I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet.
I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed
I'ts alright I'm OK
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back
I think God can explain
I think God can explain
I think God can explain
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006
11:15 PM
GentleladyI need to spill some thoughts, not a lot, but some that haven't left me alone in the last weeks as I needed to generate some ideas. I just prayed. I'm glad some stuff has come out, I guess conceptualizing for Blessed, a women's movement at church is in a way filtering me.
For the last few years of my life I've taught myself to be tougher than necessary. I don't think it's what our heavenly Dad had in mind for his daughters, coz if it was why are most of us so sad when we fight for ourselves or harden our hearts towards our families? I'm particularly hard on myself, for a lot of things that aren't within my control. The Lord seems to be telling me now it's ok to be gentle & not bear burdens that aren't mine...coz He'll be strong for me when i need Him to be, I can trust Him. I wrote in my first draft concept:
"Eve was created to be a reflection of God’s heart. She exudes His tenderness and is a wellspring of emotion. Only in God’s heart do we find truth in the irony that in finding the courage to be gentle a woman of God can be stronger than most."
"In finding courage to be gentle", nowadays, lots of us girls need courage to stay gentle. Gentle doesn't necessarily connote "mahinhin" or a certain way of moving or talking. God made all women to be refreshingly unique. He made the introverts and extroverts, and we're all beautiful. I believe the word gentle refers to my heart's manner of showing God's love. Love is best recognized when it is displayed gently, it is never forced. I thought a lot about my brother, Joey, when I wrote the word gentle. Our age gap of 13 years sometimes has its way of making us forget that we're brother and sister. We're supposed to act like siblings, not cat and dog. Morning and night we get on each other's nerves, everything in between ok naman haha, pero when we wake up and when we get ready for bed, there's always something out of place. My brother, however, is the funny gentleman. In fact, he's the heartthrob of his class and he's not conscious of it. He couldn't care less. Many times I wish I was as sweet as him. I learn a lot from him. He's only 10 but he's listened to me cry about everything from the family to relationships from the time he was 7 yrs old. Unlike other kids his age, he listens to you like an adult, and even though you don't say anything, he will sense you're not ok.
My new prayer is that I unlearn what I taught myself. I realized I taught myself a lie of the enemy all these years, that if I don't fight for myself, no one will. God has already won the battle for me and is crushing that lie daily for me, and He's teaching me slowly to love those around me better, but I know I am still work in progress.
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Monday, March 06, 2006
9:50 PM
The Teacher of TrustI often wonder why it is that daily, as we all mature, things we want, big or small, or even situations and problems in our lives become harder to lift up to God, and the more difficult part even is leaving it there with Him, trusting Him with ALL of it. It sounds simple lang pero lam naman natin na it doesn't feel simple for us. We're reminded repeatedly, at least those of us who believe in God's will for every good and perfect thing to come to pass. Yet, I still fear or agonize over the unknown. What do I do when I know how I should be, but deep inside my spirit is still restless?
I used to feel guilty about saying I trust Him then still having that feeling inside that I don't. I'd suddenly remember the words "come as you are" from many Christian songs and I'd break down lots of times knowing I have no choice but to come before God with my doubt, with my fear and whatever it is I want Him to take or trust Him for. I can only run to Him knowing that no matter how dirty I am He'll still embrace me...and even kiss me for coming to Him for answers and comfort.
A lot of people read Jeremiah 29:11. The familiar lines of this verse have comforted many through centuries. Recently, I found that reading the passage through all the way to verse 13 brings even more comfort than one expects to find in verse 11. For any of us who are searching and learning to trust, we can read and rest in His words.
"'For I know the plans that I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.
'And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13
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